English is a crazy language

This is something that Thomas Payne, a Linguistics professor, has written, it's really clever. Let's face it, English is a crazy language, don't you agree?

ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE

Let´s face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple...

English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren´t sweet, are meat. Boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don´t fing, grocers don´t groce, and hammers don´t ham ?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn´t the plural of booth beeth ? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese ? Is cheese the plural of choose ?

If teachers taught, why don´t we say that preachers praught ? If a vegeterian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat ?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital ?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship ? Have noses that run and feet that smell ? Park on driveways and drive on parkways ?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You will fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, do I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it ?

Thomas Payne, Department of Linguistics, University of Oregon