Mother's day

Everything I ever needed to know I learned from my mother:

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION: "You'd better pray that will como out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck."
My mother taught me about STAMINA: "YOu'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a cyclone swept through your room."
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!"
My mother taught me about THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father."
My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have a wonderful mother like you do!"

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!